


Love is....

by Jessie24



Category: Mewgulf, TharnType the Series (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:21:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 16,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22876966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessie24/pseuds/Jessie24
Summary: A love story about Mew and Gulf. Love brings happiness, but it also can hurt really bad.
Relationships: Gulf/Bright, Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong, MewGulf - Relationship, Tharn Kirigun/Type (TharnType)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 266





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey:)  
> First English is not my foreign language. I apologize in advance for all my mistakes.  
> Keep in mind that this story is fiction. I just got inspired by Mew and Gulf because I really love them. I like story’s that contain a little bit of hurt, so keep that in mind if you want to read my story. There will be multiple chapters.
> 
> And last but not least: Thank You for reading my story and if you like the story please comment below:)

Chapter 1

Gulf POV

There were just a handful of people who really know me, and mew is one of them.   
I am really shy, clumsy, blunt and sometimes really awkward. But I love to act, to perform, and mew was just a bonus. Mew was really hurt in the past and it took some time until mew trusted me, but even now I still feel like mew has his walls up, and it hurts. we were always in the middle, more than friends but not lovers. I really tried to show him that I wanted to be more than just a friend. I look at him, not just to do the fan service, but to really look at him like he is my world. Because Mew is. 

But lately he realized something I never thought would happen. Maybe I love Mew more than mew loves me. Maybe for Mew they are just brothers that loved each other. First, I tried to talk myself out of it. like why would mew hug me so much, or flirts with me. But a little voice in my head answered: maybe it is just fan service, maybe because mew was so hurt in the past he just wouldn’t give his heart to anyone else. 

I surprised him on his birthday, I really rushed from the event to mew’s house with a balloon and a birthday cake to surprise him. I met Chopper. (who bit me) saw his house. We talked all night and mew really seemed to like that I was there. He even sang a song in the dark. The song went like, you are the first thing I want to see when I wake up and the last thing I want to see before I go to sleep. I really hoped that he sang it for me. So, I waited patiently from a sign from mew that he saw me more than just a friend. The next day mew got his blessing. All morning we acted like a couple. So much that I started to believe it myself. But when the reporters asked if mew sang the song for me. Mew replied that he sang it for his fans. I tried to laugh and nodded my head, but inside it hurts. 

The next day we met up and we went to the casting of Tharntype season 2. Mew stayed closed with me and didn’t leave me out of his sight. I felt warm inside. He did care for me and he really pays attention to me. When we were called in to practice with a new participant, mew followed me to the stage and helped me with the lines. While I was acting the only thing, I could think of was mew. Mew was really handsome, and it troubled me that he too had to act with different people, because I know how people react towards him. I was one of them when I first auditioned and he made me blush, what no other men or woman had ever accomplished. The guy who auditioned for fiat kissed my cheek and I felt nothing. My only thought was that I hoped that it didn’t hurt Mew. 

When it was mew’s time to act with the guy who played fiat, he acted all jealous and I just couldn’t contain a smile. Because something inside me hoped it was real. That he was jealous. That he wanted me, only me. my heart was about to pop from happiness when mew came off the stage and hugged me. this is what I wanted my whole life. To be loved, to be accepted for who I am. Someone who made it his goal to pay attention to me. and at that moment, I really truly felt happiness.

It was one of my happiest moments, but it also was the day that my life crashed down on me. 

Because one minute I felt true happiness the next moment all I could feel was sorrow and pain.   
Because when I looked towards the stage, I saw mew flirt with a participant who was going to play his cousin. At first, everything seemed fine but the next moment mew whispered something in his ear and the guy twirled his head towards mew, and they almost kissed. Mew really flirted with the guy, the same as he flirted with me on my first audition. And the worst part is that he didn’t had to do it. he just did it. 

My whole body went cold. I could feel my heartbeat speeding. I couldn’t think, emotions of jealousy, despair, hurt and anger, I felt them all. I was devastated.   
I felt betrayed. If he really truly loved me, he wouldn’t do this to me.   
'enough was enough'. I needed to get over Mew, because the hurt I felt at that moment, I never wanted to feel it again. I decided at that moment that I would pull my walls back up around my heart, to protect myself.


	2. Letting go hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)  
> First English is not my foreign language. I apologize in advance for all my mistakes.  
> Keep in mind that this story is fiction. I just got inspired by Mew and Gulf because I really love them. I like story’s that contain a little bit of hurt, so keep that in mind if you want to read my story. There will be multiple chapters.  
> And last but not least: Thank You for reading my story and if you like the story please comment and kudos below:)

Chapter 2

Gulf POV

After that, everything went by in a haze. I felt numb. I got up after mew got off the stage. I couldn’t look at him, afraid that he could see the real emotions in my eyes. Because I sucked at lying. I put on a smile when we walked past the fans waiting in the other room. My thoughts were all over the place. All I could think of was “please Gulf keep it together, be strong, don’t show any weakness. Just look at what that brought you’. In love with somebody that would be never mine. But still had to work close with him. See him every day, feel his touch. I tried to stop thinking. I was so lost in my thought that I left my mom and manager behind. Because like always, I blindly followed Mew out of the room. Wasn’t that ironic. Slowly I felt anger taking over and I turned around without looking if mew followed me, to look for my mom. I took her hand and squeezed it. When I looked up my eyes found hers and I could tell she knew something was wrong. She guided me out of the room and together we went to the car. I looked behind me, but mew was nowhere in sight. I got in and closed the door. 

When I got home, I immediately went to my room and shut the door. I leant against it. I felt weak and my stomach was so upset that I ran to the bathroom to throw up. When my stomach was empty, I slowly walked out of the bathroom and threw myself on the bed, before I knew it my pillow was wet from tears. Hours passed. I took my phone from my pocket and saw that Mew posted a picture of us on Instagram. It was an image were, I was rubbing my eyes. Mew’s capitation, if you are sleepy, then sleep. Mild and Kao also commented on the photo with: ‘let him be your pillow’ and ‘sleep together’. All I replied was ‘cannot sleep’. Mew replied back with ‘come’ and I felled anger flair through my body. I replied back with ‘confused’. And in reality, mew did confuse me. He acted as if he is my boyfriend. I never let anyone touch me the way mew touched me. I scrolled through the messages on twitter.there were several messages from fans. Most of them contained videos of me and Mew. I came across a video that a fan made. I opened it, and the song we’re falling like the stars began to play. Mew’s head on my shoulder. God, he was beautiful. I felled my hands tremble at the thought of losing him. It felled like I lost my save haven. The person besides my mom, who I trusted the most. Who helped me so much throughout the year. The first man to hug me like that, to pick me up in his arms and twirl me around until It felt like I was literally flying. The man who kissed me, like I was his oxygen. Who rubbed his body against mine like he belonged there, like I belonged to him.  
I cried myself to sleep that night. 

The next morning, I had a text message from Mew. I couldn’t get myself to answer it. when the day slowly passed by, my sorrow slowly turned into anger. I was angry at myself for being that naïf and stupid. Mew never said he loved me more than a brother. He never promised me anything. He was my best friend and stood by me when things were difficult, and I didn’t want to lose that by my own stupidity. I got up and texted Mew back. After that Mew posted a Photo of himself on Instagram. He was breathtaking. At that moment I made the decision to support us by making the best fan service there is. I replied to mew’s photograph, ‘wow, wow’ a few minutes after that mew replied with eating sounds. For the fan's everything was normal now but I knew for me, it would never be the same again. After everything that happened, I couldn’t go back.


	3. Keep it in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)  
> First English is not my foreign language. I apologize in advance for all my mistakes.  
> Keep in mind that this story is fiction. I just got inspired by Mew and Gulf because I really love them. I like story’s that contain a little bit of hurt, so keep that in mind if you want to read my story. There will be multiple chapters.  
> And last but not least: Thank You for reading my story and if you like the story please comment or leave kudos below:)

Chapter 3 

Gulf POV

The next day I slept in. Mew and I had an event at 6 pm. We would meet up at 4 pm. Scrolling through several messages on twitter, I saw fans commenting on a mosquito bite I have on my neck, but they thought it was a hickey. There were several hurtful comments about me cheating on mew and secretly having a girlfriend.I put down my phone with a sigh. People could really hurt you sometimes. I know that that is the price you pay if you become a well-known person, but that still didn’t make it easier. 

I got out of bed and walked toward the bad room. I switch on the light and pulled my shirt over my head. Looking in the mirror, I saw that my eyes were still slightly swollen from crying. Still a little worried that I had to see Mew later, I turned on the shower. From now on I was going to treat Mew as my best friend. Because he was. Nothing changed I just needed to act more. I needed to do well on the fan service. For me and mew career. I just needed to shield my heart in the progress. That was the difficult part. Because everytime I look into Mew’s eyes, I felt my heart flutter. The question was, how can I take a step back from something I want so much. While thinking it over, I stepped under the hot shower. I felt myself relax a little. Everything would be fine, I could do this. 

We met at the venue. We had to promote beauty products today. There would also be a lifestream for the fans. I spotted Mew and his manager Bosser by the entrance, several fans were waiting. I said hi to them and walked beside him towards the doors to the venue. I tried to avoid too much eye contact, while I searched for my ID to enter. Once inside we were told, we had to dress in denim. We would have matching outfits, but they were not the same. While walking to the dressing room, I felt mew’s hand on my lower back guiding me. It was almost a habit, I always felt more secure with the warmed of mew’s hand on my back. 

Once we were dressed and the first camera was pointed at us, I turned a switch in my head. I turned towards mew and smiled sweetly. I turned my body slightly so that my left side touched Mew’s body. We needed to say I few sentences to the camera before the event would start. While saying my lines, I felled myself relax. This was familiar. 

After we finished recording our message, we went to the stage. There were two men, one with a white coat and another one with a pink jacket. We both shook hands with them and sat down on the chairs in front of the cameras. While waiting I felled tiredness take over. I didn’t sleep much these last nights. I stretched my body and I felled Mew’s hand traveling over my belly to my side. He gave me a side hug, and for a moment I thought he would lay his head on my chest. I wanted nothing more than to touch him. to put my hand on his arm and to let it travel to his shoulders. His shoulders always made me weak. Even in the past when we acted in love scenes, I always let my hands travel towards his shoulders. Mew was very well build, a beautiful body with broad shoulders. The thought of Feeling his warm skin under my fingertips, made my skin crawled. I always tried to restrain myself from touching Mew in public and in front of the cameras. Skinship made me shy because I was scared I would do something stupid. Afraid I would to cross a line and make Mew embarrassed, or ashamed of me. I closed my eyes for a minute to compose myself. When I opened them, I saw the host signing that the show as about to start. 

A staring game. How funny, and at the same time, worst timing ever. I didn’t like to stare into mew’s eyes, for the simple reason that it would expose my real feelings. I turned my chair toward mew and shook my arms to get the tension out of my body. The host held up a white paper and starting the countdown. When the host removed the with paper, all I could see was mew’s eyes looking into mine. I felt my face heat up. The next moment mew pulled me closer to his face. I feel his breath on my face. At that moment I would give anything to just press my lips against his. To taste him, to feel his tongue against mine. I knew I wouldn’t last. The tension was thick in the air, despite our smiles. Panicking I tried to let mew blink first. I blew air in his eyes. Mew smiled, but it didn’t work. I heard mew saying something like ‘cheater’. I forfeit. It seemed like Mew was reluctant to let me go, but it must have been my imagination. 

During the show mew let his hand rest on my thigh. It felt warm. Mew was very clingy, and I loved it. In these moments I could let myself believe that mew loves me back in the same way that I love him. At some moment the host asked me If I liked it. I felt my heart speed up and shyness took over. I knew he meant Mew. I just tried to laugh it off, and I nodded my head. But Mew didn’t let it go. “he asked you a question’ Mew said. Looking at the host “Yes I like him” I answered awkwardly. I like him so much that my heart hurts, I thought to myself. Why do you need the reassurance Mew, isn’t it obvious? The funny thing is that they didn’t ask Mew this question. Why was that? Did nobody wandered if Mew likes me. Am I not good enough for Mew? Not pretty enough? Mew was just too good for him and he knew it. 

The next moment A fan asked if they already sat on each other's lap today? No, we didn’t. Just shoot me I thought to myself. The fan asked if we could do it now. Before I knew it I answered okay. My heart answered before I could think it trough. Sitting on Mew's lap was a whole different kind of torture. Our pants were really thin. That meant we could feel everything thought them, and when I say everything I really mean everything. Mew rested his hands on my member, by accident I think, and if he pulled his hands away now, people would notice. I tried to think of something else, to prevent that I would become hard. I think I never got off his lap this fast. Sitting in my own chair, relief flew through my body. I made it, the show was over. I didn’t embarrass us and didn’t say things that I shouldn’t. I took a deep breath and release it. I made it through another day. 

That evening Mew addressed the situation of my hickey by saying that he did it. I asked if he was a mosquito? And he answered, ‘I like to scratch it’ and I replied, “it does itch’. I knew at that moment that he would do everything to protect me. Why was he so perfect? How could I ever get over him? When he called later that night. We took a Photo during facetime that showed that there were no hickeys on my body but that it really was a mosquito bite. After I posted the photo on twitter I went to bed. Setting the alarm, I saw I had a text message. I opened it. It was Bosser, mew’s manager, asking if he could come over, he needed to talk to me. I replied with an okay, not knowing that everything would be different after this night.


	4. Abandoned

Mew POV

Hurt, I still was, even after all this time. Falling in love has never been easy for me. And falling in love in this industry seemed impossible. Fan service he called it, after publicly rejecting me and outing me at the same time. And I knew I was wrong too. I did things in the name of love, that I shouldn’t have. But I am only human. Weak for love. Weak for wanting someone by my side. Weak for Someone to care for me. 

The night that the video went viral, Bosser called me and said ‘don’t look at your phone, I will be right there’ but curiosity took over. The next moment, I felt Bosser holding me, while tears were running down my cheeks. I fell to my knees praying that all of it was a dream and that I would wake up soon. That night after I saw the video go public and Bosser left. I remember stepping outside. The rain soaking my clothes and I felt the raindrops running down my cheeks or were they tears. I didn’t know anymore. I walked for hours, without purpose. All I could feel was the pain ripping my heart apart. Telling me how unwanted and how Unloved I was. 

The rejection didn’t hurt as much as how he did it. For the first time in my life, I really felt ashamed of myself. I knew the public was going to judge me for stepping over the line, by kissing him. But it felt right at that moment and I needed to know for sure. And he kissed me back. So, the video came out of the blew for me.  
The comments below the video were devastating. Never have I ever felt so low in my life. Not only did the person I loved reject me, but also most of my fans left me behind. Saying the most awful things about me. Judging me and condemning me. I felled utterly and completely alone. 

You would think after the hell that I went through I would learn my lesson. Yet, here I was about to fall again and this time I was sure that if he rejected me, I wouldn’t survive. There would be nothing left of me.


	5. First kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)  
> First English is not my foreign language. I apologize in advance for all my mistakes.  
> Keep in mind that this story is fiction. I just got inspired by Mew and Gulf because I really love them. I like story’s that contain a little bit of hurt, so keep that in mind if you want to read my story. There will be multiple chapters.  
> And last but not least: Thank You for reading my story and if you like the story please comment below or leave kudos:)

Chapter 5

Mew POV

The thing is when I first saw gulf, sitting at a table with his friends surrounding him like bodyguards, I immediately felt an attraction towards him. A handful of loyal fans went with me to the audition of Tharntype 2. A handful of fans was all that was left nowadays. It made me sad to think about, but I knew I needed to move on. It’s been a year and after shooting what the duck season 2, I could finally close that chapter and move on. It was hard to get casted these days with my reputation and all. So, there were several moments that I wanted to give up. I could easily find a job as a teacher at the university. But it was hard letting go of something I worked so hard for. After auditioning with several guys, I knew I wanted to work with Gulf. There was great chemistry between us, and he seemed sweet and honest. Gulf also chose me, and we became the new Tharn and type.

During shootings of scenes of Tharntype, Gulf became one of my best friends but in a way that was different from a normal friend. Gulf was a very closed off guy. It took me a long time to get him to open up to me and even now it was something we both struggled with. I was very outspoken regarding my feelings, but Gulf didn’t let anyone know if something was wrong. I always needed to pull it out of him. Gulf also felt very awkward with touching in the beginning, so the director said it would be necessary to build a trust bond and the best way to do it is by hugging a lot. At first, we both were a little uneasy but after a few workshops it felt almost as normal as breathing

Thinking back to the first time we kissed. It happened during our first workshop. For this workshop we needed to act out a love scene from the movie, calling me by your name. It was a pretty famous BL love movie between an older more experienced guy and a young guy who eventually fell in love. In this Scène the young guy took the initiation to kiss the older guy. We both stood up from the circle we were sitting in and walked to the front of the class. 

It’s normal during workshops to fake kiss so I was shocked when gulf pressed his lips to mine. I froze for a moment. It was the first kiss after everything that happened. I felt his warm wet lips moving over mine. I grabbed his shoulders and I pulled him closer, until I felt his chest pressing against mine. His hands were wandering from my arms to my shoulders and I felt his grip tightening. It suddenly became hard for me to breathe. Gulf let out a little sound and pressed his tongue against my lips, seeking entrance. Unable to resist it I opened my mouth. I felt his tongue enter my mouth. Desire took over my body and I wanted nothing more than to manhandle him to the ground and covering his body with mine. 

‘p mew’..... He murmured against my lips.

Hugging him closer, until he was fully on top of me, I felt his hard member pressing against my thigh. Through a haze, I heard someone calling, almost shouting our names. It was mamè

‘well done, you can stop now, save something for filming’ she said with a chuckle. 

I heard the other cast members laugh. Turning my face back too Gulf, I saw the shocked expression on his face. His ears and his cheeks were very red, and his lips were wet and swollen. He looked absolutely stunning and it took all my willpower to not kiss him again. He slowly tried to stand up, but before he could move away and expose both our hard members, I manhandled him in front of me, to sit between my legs and hugged him from behind. I let the sleeves of my hoodie cover his hard member and hugged his belly, so no one would notice how uncomfortable we both were. I knew I had never felt this kind of desire before. Despite knowing in the back of my mind that people were watching us. I wasn’t able to stop. I Couldn't control myself. Even now, I could still taste him on my lips. Holding him in my arms, I realized that I didn’t want to let him go.


	6. The talk

Gulf POV

Present-day

I opened the door when I heard the bell.

‘Hey Bosser, come in’ I said.

‘Thank you’ Bosser replied.

I walked to the kitchen to grab us something to drink.

‘Is Soda Okay?’ I asked

‘yes, thank you’ Bosser answered

I grabbed the drinks and walked to the couch. I sat down and looked at Bosser. He looked troubled. Looking at him. I started to feel worried.

‘you wanted to talk about something?’ I asked

‘yes’ He cleared his throat; Look I know it’s none of my business. But I wanted to talk to you about something. Please don’t take it the wrong way. The reason I wanted to talk to you is that I heard from the director that during the shooting of several scenes, things got a little heated between You and Mew., and it’s perfectly normal, sometimes during filming it is hard to step out of the role you are playing.

So, don’t be embarrassed’ he said while looking at my red cheeks. Mew doesn’t know that I am here. And I like it to stay it that way’. he continued 

‘You know I love Mew, we have worked together for a long time now. And you know that we have become close this last year.’ He said pointing his finger between us. 

‘But Mew doesn’t give his heard to anyone and I don’t want you to get hurt ‘I know you have never played in a BL series before, so maybe this steered some feelings you never knew you had.

‘Please listen to me’ he said while I was trying to interrupt him. 

‘I see the way you look at him. I just don’t want you to be in the same place Mew was in a couple of years back. And I know Mew for a long time and I really think that Mew is just doing his job, and a part of his job is fan service.’

Please try to understand where I ‘am coming from.’ He pleaded when he saw the hurt on my face. I saw he was uncomfortable. Something inside me wanted to get angry but I knew he meant well. 

‘But, I think this is different from what Mew had before’ I said. ‘he really seems to care about me and with all due respect, I think that this is something between us. I know you mean well. But you can’t look in Mew’s heart.’ I said with determination. ‘I know there is something there’ I said with more conviction then that I really felt. 

Bosser looked at me with pity. ‘alright, I just wanted to warn you, you have to work together, probably for a long time. I ‘am sorry for overstepping’ he said. Standing up. Thank You for the soda, it’s kind of late and I need to get going. The atmosphere felt kind of awkward. 

‘Alright,’ I said also standing up and walking towards the door. We said goodbye and I closed the door. I walked to the kitchen to grab myself a beer. That night the words of Bosser kept me awake. Was it just A job for Mew or did I mean something more to him?


	7. someone to lean on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)
> 
> I really like it, if you would leave comments and/or kudos. Thank you for reading!!

Gulf POV

Present-day.

How can love turn into hatred?. Every time I looked at Mew, I feel my heartbeat speeding up but not in a good way. Devastated I felled, when I heard rumors that Mew was dating another guy. At first, I didn’t believe them but even my coworkers were confirming it. 

The first-time Mild mention it, he didn’t look me in the eyes. I knew he was preparing me. He is a good friend. I felt my hands clench and unclench. The world was spinning around me, and I felt like I was falling. Tears clouded my eyes. I tried to blink them away. Mild took one look at me and took me in his arms and gave me a hug. I wanted to stay strong. I knew mew could walk in at any time, so I gently pushed mild aside and told him that I would be okay.

I walked towards the bad-room and closed the door. I could feel the food I previously ate, coming back up. I tried to swallow it back down again. gripping the sink. looking at myself in the mirror.

I really was Pathetic. Offcourse Mew didn't want me. I turned around and slammed my fist against the wall, again and again. When I looked down, I saw blood dripping on the floor. I got my phone out of my pocket and called the only person I could think of.

‘Hey gulf, bright answered the call

It was quit. I wanted to say something, but words didn’t come out. I tried to clear my throat.

‘Gulf?......’ bright asked. I heard the worry in his voice

‘please help me’ I sobbed.

‘where are you?’

I gave him the address. He hangs up before I could say anything else. I could feel the cold from the floor sipping through my jeans. I didn’t know how long I sat on the cold floor. It felt like hours.

I heard someone knocking on the door. 

‘Gulf, open the door’ it was Bright’s voice. 

I slowly tried to stand but my legs buckled under me. I gripped the sink and unlocked the door. Bright took one look at me and took me in his arms and pressed me against his chest. For the first time,It felt like I could breathe again. I was not alone. Bright stroke my back. 

‘It’s going to be oke gulf, It’s going to get better. Breath with me’ he murmured against my ear. 

I started crying again and was unable to stop. When there were no more tears left I lifted my head and saw that Bright’s shirt was wet. I Tried, to erase the wet spot with my hand but bright covered my hand with his.

‘It’s okay, I don’t mind. Bright said with a reassuring voice. 

He noticed the blood on my hands. He pulled me to my feet and slowly washed the blood from my hands. After he carefully dried them. He then pushed my hair behind my ears and gently washed my face with a disposable cloth. 

‘So, this is what we are going to do, you stay here while I talk to your manager. Then I will come back, and we go together to my house and play videogames all night. Okay? He said with a stern voice.

I nodded my head. Still unable to answer. 

A few minutes later, bright knocked on the door again.

‘come let’s go’ he said while grabbing my hand.

We almost bumped into Mew. Who looked surprised and shocked. I couldn’t blame him because I looked a mess and he never saw me and bright together. It wasn’t really allowed because it wasn’t good for the publicity of our shows. 

I avoided his eyes. He shouted my name. but I didn’t look back. I just kept on walking, letting bright pull me towards the door.


	8. Alone again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)  
> First English is not my foreign language. I apologize in advance for all my mistakes.  
> Keep in mind that this story is fiction. I just got inspired by Mew and Gulf because I really love them. I like story’s that contain a little bit of hurt, so keep that in mind if you want to read my story. There will be multiple chapters.
> 
> And last but not least: Thank You for reading my story and if you like the story please comment or leave kudos below. It keeps me motivated:)

Mew pov

Present DAY

I opened the door to the place where our photoshoot would take place. Stepping inside, the first thing I notice, was that there was something off. PBerm looked stressed and he was pacing in front of the toilet door. I looked around, but nobody seemed to meet my gaze.

'Mild, what's wrong?' I asked, walking toward him until I stood before him.

However, before mild could answer, I saw Mild looking past me. When I turned around I came face to face with Bright. I recognized him from previous events. Why was he here? I saw that he pulled gulf behind him, They were holding hands. For a second, I couldn't comprehend the situation before me. Bright's eyes locked with mine and I saw the anger reflecting in his eyes. Why would he be angry?

My eyes wandered back to their joined hands. How dare he touch gulf's hand as if he owned him. Like he needed to protect gulf, from me!!

I looked at Gulf, trying to figure out what was going on. He looked a mess. I let my eyes wander over his face. The face I adore so much. Tears made his cheeks red, his lips were swollen. When Gulf looked up, our eyes locked, gulf immediately averted his eyes to the floor.

I wondered what the hell happened to him. I wanted to take him in my arms. Stroke his back and tell him everything is going to be okay. That I would help him and that he wasn't alone.

My eyes were pulled back again to Bright's and gulf joined hands. I felt anger flaring in my chest.I clenched my hands and pressed my nails into my skin to keep myself from reaching out and pull gulf from bright's grip.

I took a step towards them, But before I could say anything. Bright pulled gulf behind him toward the door.

'Gulf, Wait......! I shouted.

But Gulf kept on walking until the door closed behind him.

I felt numb, what the hell happened just now. I turned around and I saw people looking.

' What the hell is going on'?...... I shouted, to no one in particular.

My heart was beating faster and faster in my chest. I just saw Gulf walking away from me with another guy. My Gulf, I thought in my head.  
Bosser walked towards him after hearing me shouting, trying to defuse the situation.

'I just talking with P Berm' Bosser began, walking closer to me. until he was just a few steps away. He bent his head toward me, trying to shield us for the crowed.

'Gulf knows' Bosser whispered in my ear.

'He knows what'?... I asked, impatient.

'That you have a boyfriend' Bosser answered, avoiding my eyes.

'How the hell does he know? I wanted to tell him personally' I nearly shouted, pacing back and forth. 'But still, that doesn't explain what just happened here. Why was Gulf so upset?' I continued.

Out of nowhere, P berm Gripped my shirt and pressed me against the wall.

'If you still don't know, then you are a fool' He shouted in my face. Spit spat on my cheek. I tried to turn my head, but his grip tightened. 'you don't deserve him, you peace of shit!.... He is the most kind, sweet and honest person, that I have ever had the pleasure to work with. AND YOU ARE DESTROYING HIM!!..., He yelled to my face, he was so close that our heads almost touched. Never once had I seen P Berm angry. now he was looking at me with crazy eyes. Suddenly the weight was lifted off me, Bosser pulled him away from me. P' berm seemed to calm down a bit, still looking at me, but this time with a sat expression.

'Do you know what the sad part is? He continued, You don't even seem to know what you have just lost' With these words he turned around and walked away.

I didn't realize that I was crying. Until Bosser held out a tissue.

A feeling of emptiness consumed me, I have never felt like this before, not even at my lowest. I was alone again. Abandoned.


	9. Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)  
> First English is not my foreign language. I apologize in advance for all my mistakes.  
> Keep in mind that this story is fiction. I just got inspired by Mew and Gulf because I really love them. I like story’s that contain a little bit of hurt, so keep that in mind if you want to read my story. There will be multiple chapters.  
> And last but not least: Thank You for reading my story. If you like the story please leave kudos and comments below:) It keeps me writing.

Gulf

POV

I wish I could say I was strong. I wish I could say that it didn't matter, that I would overcome this. But the truth is, that I didn't know.

Sitting next to bright in the car, I looked outside. Eyes seeing nothing. I keep thinking back at all our events and all our recording times for thantype. The way he touched me, the way he looked at me. I felt the tears pricking in my eyes. I closed them. It felt like I was downing. Everything I believed we were, was gone in a blink of an eye. I felt Bright hand covering mine. I looked at him, tears dripping from my cheeks, unable to stop them. Angry I swiped them away. Ashamed that bright saw me like this.

'it's going to be okay, Gulf.' bright said, looking back at the road. We were driving to his house I realized. When we got out of the car, I followed bright into the house.

'Here you go' bright said when he handed me a shirt and sweatpants. I looked down at my formal clothes. 'Thank you' I whispered. Voice still hoarse. I tried to swallow.

'I'm going to take a shower, I will be right back. Are you going to be okay?' He asked. While he kept looking at me, with sad eyes.

I nodded my head. When I heard the bad room door close. I let myself fall on the bed, that stood in the middle of the room. I covered my head with my hands, trying to keep the painful thoughts out. But images kept on swirling in my mind, Mew kissing another man right now. Hugging him, whisper sweet things in his ear, making jokes. My heart literally hurt from knowing that I lost mew to another guy. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone touching Mew. I felt so angry, I could smash something.

Before realizing it, I was already running down the stairs, through the front door and I kept on running. No destination in mind only wanting to escape from the thoughts in my mind. When I eventually stopped. I was on a bridge. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I leaned over the railing all I could see was water. It looked peaceful in an way. I thought. What if I jumped? I wondered. The pain will be gone. No one needed to worry about me anymore. If they worried at all. I climbed on the railing. But before I could jump, I felt two strong arms pulling me back.

'let me go 'I screamed. Struggling against the hold.

'Don't you dare leave me Gulf Kanawut, don't you fucking dare' Bright said. His voice thick with emotion.

I stopped struggling and looked up at him. I saw tears on his cheeks. How did he know I was here, I wondered. But it didn't matter I was just glad he found me.

'Why doesn't he want me?'.... I asked eyes filling with tears again. I know I am shy and awkward. I stammered, But I am A good person right?..... I at least try to be. I know I'm not perfect. I continued. But I tried so hard to be perfect for him. Why am I not good enough? ... Why bright? Tell me Why!, I cried. Pulling bright closer to me. Bright hugged me so tight that it became hard for me to breathe. Eventually, he pulled back to look at me.

'Does he even know how you feel? Bright asked.

'yeah,... I told him a while ago, that I liked him. But he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship after everything that happened. So, I just kept on waiting. Proving that I was different. Worthy of him. Guess I wasn't good enough huh...., I said looking away ashamed of myself.

'Gulf what the hell happened to you, you were so confident in the past. Where did that go?' He asked looking generally confused.

'I don't know' I answered with a tiny voice. I really don't know. I'm broken..., bright and I don't know how to fix it. I confessed feeling ashamed.

Bright just held me tight against his chest, until I finally calmed down. He pulled me up towards the car and took us to his home.

Laying in the same bed together, close but not touching. His present beside me felt like a warm blanket.

'Look Gulf, we are best friends since high school. And it really pains me to see you like this. I know we haven't met frequently this last year. But that is going to change.... I am still your best friend. And I am going to help you get through this. I know you are hurting.' 

'I think You need to focus on something else. And I know just the thing.' He said, looking at me with an evil glint in his eyes. 'We are going to make him regret, not wanting you.' He said with determination. 'nobody rejects my best friend without consequences.

'What are you going to do?' I asked not really sure I wanted the answer.

He gave me I big smile while saying, 'we are going to make him jealous. We are going to show him just how much he lost. Say hello to the man that is going to court you.' He said with a mocking smile bowing before me. I couldn't' help but smile at how ridiculous he looked.

'He doesn't know what hit him', bright continued, and for the first time that night, I felt alive, excited.


	10. The game begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey:)  
> First English is not my foreign language. I apologize in advance for all my mistakes.  
> Keep in mind that this story is fiction. I just got inspired by Mew and Gulf because I really love them. I like story’s that contain a little bit of hurt, so keep that in mind if you want to read my story. There will be multiple chapters.
> 
> And last but not least: Thank You for reading my story and if you like the story please comment and kudos below.  
> It keeps me motivated!

Gulf

POV

The next morning, bright dropped me off at work. When I walked in Mew was already waiting for me.   
‘why I didn’t pick up your phone’. He asked, ‘I was really worried’ he said eyes looking at me trying to see if I was okay. 

‘family emergency’ I said trying to shrug it off. He didn’t seem to believe me, but he let the subject drop. 

‘Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the guy I met, but I just wanted to see if it’s really something real, you now.' He continued ranting. He looked kind of nervous. ‘You are not angry with me, right’? While looking at me with pleading eyes.

‘No of course not’ I said while clenching my teeth. trying to look convincing, suppressing the anger and hurt that I really felt inside.

‘I just want you to be happy P mew, and while we are on the subject. I haven’t told you something either.’ Here we go I thought. The year of acting came in handy. 

‘I like someone to’ I said trying to look bashful. ‘YOU WHAT?’ he almost screamed. Pure chock on his face. ‘Yeah, I was always worried that I wouldn’t like anyone else but you, but I always liked him. we were best friends in the past, recently I saw him with differed eyed, you know… He helped me a lot and I can always rely on him. I continued ‘and he is very attractive’. I said trying to look shy. Mew looked chocked. He hadn’t said anything. I saw anger and hurt flashing in his eyes.

‘yeah, I didn’t know I could feel this way, it’s all so new to me’ I continued trying to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I knew it wouldn’t work because I was in love with him and he clearly wasn’t. But that didn’t mean he didn’t feel possessive of me. So, I could use that in my advertence. I saw Mew clenching his hands. The bastard had the audacity to pretend that I was the one who hurt him and not the other way around. I gave him my sweetest smile. And I touched his upper arm.

‘I’m really glad you finally found happiness mew and that he is worthy of you.' I said looking him directly in the eyes. Mew looked speechless and continued staring at me. ‘Come we need to go…… The photoshoot is about to start’! I said, already walking away with a victory smile on my face. 

‘Fuck’ I muttered under my breath while I was sitting on Mews lap for a photoshoot.   
Mew had his arms around me while his hands were stroking my belly, dangerous close to the band of my pants. My whole back was plastered against mews chest. Despite the chilliness of the room, I felt really hot. For A moment I let my whole weight lean against mew in utterly bless. Feeling the rise and fall from his chest. Until the photographer said’ that’s enough. We are done’ 

I immediately pulled myself free from mews hold. I tried to stand up, but mew hugged me from behind. Looking at all the people around us, I knew that I had to play along. I knew he did it on purpose. I let myself fall down in his lap again. I looked behind me searching mews eyes. He smiled but I saw the possessiveness inside them. It sent chills down my spine. 

I got my phone out of my pocket and texted bright’ Hey, I’m done. Do you have time to pick me up? And I hit the send button. Mew was trying to read the message over my shoulder, but I shielded my phone, so he couldn’t see it. It was all part of the plan because normally mew read all my messages. I felt him stiffen behind me. I put the phone back in my pocket and engaged in a talk with Mild, who came sit beside us. 15 minutes past and then I heard someone scrapping his throat. I looked up and saw bright standing there looking at us.

‘well, my ride is here, I said with a smile. Trying to free me from mews arms. But mew wouldn’t want to let go of me. In the past, my heart would jump out of my chest with happiness. Now I felt trapped, knowing that he didn’t love me that way, it felt like he didn’t have the right to touch me like that anymore. 

‘I turned my body and whispered in mew ear.’ Let me go P, I said slowly becoming angry.

He didn’t answer, he just kept on looking at me. 

‘I need to go’ I said, freeing myself from his arms with force. 

I walked toward bright and bright immediately put an arm around me and pulled me closer against him. while looking down on me with loving eyes. He really was a great actor, I thought by myself. 

Before walking away, I looked back at Mew. He looked furious. I just smiled and winked at him. Feeling strong for the first time in months.


	11. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave Kudos and comments below:)

Gulf POV

A week later

The strange thing was that the fans just thought that Mew and I were growing towards each other. That was absolutely not the case. Mew tried to get closer in the beginning, but as time went on he said less and less to me, and the touches became less and less. I felt the anger build up in me. He was the one who didn't want a relationship with me. why was he pretending it was all my fault?

That evening bright came to visit me to play games together.

"He doesn't care at all that I have a boyfriend," I complained to bright. He is becoming more distant by the day. I know I wanted to punish him, but I miss him. " Bright put the controller down and tackled me on the couch.

"Come on, just forget about him, there are other alternatives’ he said suggestively as he moved his eyebrows up and down. I giggled. "Yeah, they're all in line for me," I said sarcastically. "Take away the famous and see who's left and most people don't know I'm bi. Would they still accept me if the fans know? I suddenly wondered. Bright seemed comfortable as he was still laying on top of me. The warmth it gave me, made me feel safe.

"Why wouldn't they love you? You are sweet, honest, handsome and of course also a little goofy "He said with a chuckle. I took a pillow and hit him with it. He tried to avoid the pillow before he pulled it out of my hands and then threw it on the floor. He took my arms and clamped them on the couch. Laughing, I tried to break free.

"Bright, stop! ... I giggled. Suddenly his face was so close that his lips almost touched mine. The mood suddenly got serious. I became aware of the body pressing against mine, our legs intertwined. His chest moved up and down against mine. His eyes gazed into mine. He moved his head slightly down and I remained silent. I closed my eyes, waiting for what was to come. Especially curious if it would feel the same as when Mew kissed me.

When nothing happened, I opened my eyes. He was still super close. He looked straight at me and said

"Gulf, if I kiss you, I will only do it because I am convinced that you really want me. That you look at me like you want to drag me to your bed and have your way with me and you can't take your hands off me. But I'll never kiss you if you see me as a replacement for Mew. Do you understand that? "He asked when he looked deep into my eyes. I could only nod.

"Good", after which he pushed me to the ground and laughed.

"Bastard" I complained, rubbing my aching ass, still impressed by what he said. He was right, he was better than that. I got up from the floor and picked up the controller from the table. When I wanted to sit down he pulled me closer so that we are thigh by thigh. I looked at him questioningly.

"If we want to convince people we're together, we have to practice," he said with a cheesy wink. I chuckle at him before starting a new game. The rest of the evening we sat close together. Although it reminded me of my skinship with Mew, the big difference was that it didn't stop when the cameras went out. Because although fans often saw me, and mew cuddle it was mainly for the series that we were recording or if mew did not feel well, he sought comfort from me.

To be honest, I was a little embarrassed. The signs that Mew didn't feel the same as me, were there even before I heard that he had a boyfriend. I know that in the last live shows I was way too outspoken in my love for him. The only reason I did that, was because I was convinced he was in love with me too. In retrospect, I wonder, what the fans thought of me? That I'm weak and naive? The night before the live show, mew asked if I loved him? I replied yes. Then he asked. Do you really love me? Again, I answered yes. So happy at the time that I was able to express my love for him and not thinking that he didn't say it back.

Actually, everything should have been clear after our live show for lazada8 birthday, Despite the fact that the safety measures had to be increased before the show, we were already close because we had a photoshoot before the live show. I did not understand his detachment during the show. Although the videos and photos that were later on the internet, the detachment of mew towards me was clear to the people who had seen the whole livee show. There were a few times when I sought skinship with him because I felt out of place. But there was hardly any response to that. I thought I was having a heart attack when I saw that mew almost fell because of a game. I stretched my arm to catch it. I called him an angel because that is what he is in my eyes. And what did I get in return? I thought bitterly.

The MC asked about the solo event that mew had. That's when Mew said I was there as his guest.

"A guest," I repeated in disbelief after everything I thought was between us. He didn't have to fall to his knees to confess his love to me, but I'd certainly hoped for something more recognition than that. Now if I thought that was bad, then he came with the final death blow.

"What should I have said then? Brother, that I love? He said looking straight at me.

luckily I had enough self-control that I did not burst into tears immediately, but it was close. But even after this, I still thought there was more between us, until Bosser's visit and the photoshoot where I heard he had a boyfriend. Things now fell into place.

When I went to work the next day, Mew didn't even look up when I came in. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee while looking around who was already there. Mild waved at me. Obviously, everyone noticed the tension between me and Mew. Just as I turned to put the coffee cup on the counter, I felt two arms around me. I froze until I heard Bright's voice.

"Sweetie, you forgot your purse in my car," he said with a tender tone in his voice.  
I turned around in his arms and wrapped my arms around him. I ran my hand through his hair to pull his face down, then kissed him on the cheek.

‘thank you’ I said a little shy.

I saw his astonished look, but it quickly disappeared. He said goodbye with a wave.

Grinning, I walked to the toilet. When I was washing my hands, I felt a painful grip on my wrist. When I turned around I looked into Mew's furious face.

'Why did you just do? Do you want our reputations to break, because everyone immediately knows that bright is your boyfriend? DON’T DO THESE THINGS IN PUBLIC! …. He screamed at me. He turned me around and pushed my back painfully against the Bathroom door. 

"You know, don't do those things at all, okay, you bastard!" One minute I was still nailed to the floor but the next, I struggled out of his grip and turned him around and pushed him against the Bathroom door. 

"YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!... I screamed back. You had that chance… I let go of him to straighten my clothes. I glared at him again. "You don't decide what I do or don't do! ..... I said in a calmer tone before I pushed the door open and walked away.  
What I didn't see was that Mew slid down the door, until he sat on the floor, meanwhile crying his heart out.


	12. Confess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos en comments

Gulf POV

I was trembling on my legs when I got outside. Still very angry. I leaned my head against the wall. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Come on Gulf breathe in, breathe out. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath.

Mew still hadn't come out. I looked at my watch, the photoshoot was about to start. I stood at the door doubting if I would go in. Anger was still present, but concern slowly began to win. Had I pushed him too hard against the door?....... Had I hurt him? ……Hesitantly, I pushed the door open. Mew sat on the floor, with his back against the toilet door. He had his knees pulled up and his head hidden in his hands.

I saw his shoulders move gently and heard him sob. He was crying. All the anger disappeared immediately. I walked over to him and knelt in front of him.

"Mew, I'm sorry,"… I said. "Mew I'm really sorry, please stop crying." You know I can't see you cry. "Mew raised his tear-stained face. My fingers moved naturally to the tear marks on his cheeks. Tenderly I wiped them with my thumb.

‘Please stop crying,’ I begged.

"I'm sorry too," said Mew, still sobbing. I shifted to sit next to him. I took his arms and pulled him towards me until he was almost on my lap. I rocked him gently back and forth. Mew was very sensitive. Most people did not know this because he always pretends to be strong when people are looking. but Mew had a very small heart. He nestled his face in my chest. It felt like he belonged there. In my arms, so I could keep him safe from the outside world. I ran my hand through his hair and stroked it gently. 

‘ Sssst…. Calm down, I'm here. You are not alone… I softly said. with the other hand. I patted his back gently. Trying to calm him down.

We were both startled when someone opened the door. It was the photographer's assistant. 

‘Ohhh sorry…..,’ he apologized. 

‘We'll be right there,’ I said with a reassuring smile when I saw the shock on the man's face.

When the door closed again, Mew looked up at me. God, he is beautiful ... angelically beautiful. A gift but perhaps also a curse. If mew wasn't so pretty he might not have had a handsome boyfriend now and I might have been good enough for him. I cut off my own thoughts, there was no point, I repeated to myself. It was just the way it was.

"Why do you hate me? Mew asked so softly that I could hardly hear him.

I put my hand on Mew's cheek and he leaned against it. "I will never hate you," I said. "I was only very angry with you"

'not anymore'? he asked in a small voice.

After thinking about it, replied 'No, I'm angrier with myself'

‘I know I hurt you by not telling you I had a boyfriend, but you didn't tell me you liked someone, so I don't understand why you're so mad at me ...’ he said, looking at me confused.

Since I am not a person who easily lies, I decided to be open and honest. I leaned forward, put both hands around his face and raised his head so that I could look him straight in the eye

'Mew I love you, I can't tell you exactly when it happened and when I became hopelessly in love with you. But it happened. Remember when I confessed that I liked you and you said you were not ready for a relationship yet? You broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I have been waiting for you for months, knowing that there will be no one like you anymore. My first love, my soulmate, the person I think of even though I don't see him. I thought of you, 24 hours a day. Just the thought that I could lose you made me run to the first bridge to jump off it. My feelings for you were so strong that I no longer thought about myself or my family. You rejecting me was ten times worse than anything I've experienced. 

Do you know what I'm blaming you for? That you made me think that you loved me too, that I had a chance. But instead, you made me wait and then announced that you have a boyfriend. 

Do you fucking know how much you hurt me? I asked desperately, looking at his shocked face. All the while he hadn't said a word and stared at me as if he saw a stranger.

"You know what, don’t answer. It doesn't matter now, you have a boyfriend and I sincerely hope you're happy. "I tried to smile.

"Friends?" I said while getting up. knowing that this was my problem. I had to get over this. Mew was my best friend and I hoped we could get back to being best friends. I stretch my hands out to pull Mew up. We are late, wash your face. I will go to make- up first. See you? I said still smiling and walked out.

Mew POV

I stared at myself in the mirror. Tears still fresh on my face. Bosser entered the toilet.

‘Did you know?’ I asked as I tried to remain calm

‘What did I know?’ Asked Bosser, surprised. 

‘That he loves me. Really sincerely loves me? I answered looking at Bosser. I still couldn't believe it.

Bosser looked at the floor. "Everyone knew except you. Too blind to see it. That boy worships the ground you walked on. Looked at you like you're the only one in this world. Everyone knew’ Bosser replied with compassion on his face.

I rested my face on the sink. I just lost something I didn’t know I had, but desperately wanted.


	13. Daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments! I really like it!

Gulf POV

Two weeks had passed that night in the toilet. We had hardly seen each other. If I was honest I really missed him. But I knew it was better. Perhaps I could get over him because of the distance. I made up my mind to talk to him to try to resolve the discomfort between us.

We had a photoshoot in the afternoon and decided to leave a little earlier. Then I had some time to take him aside and talk to him. I picked up my jacket and called P berm to ask if we could leave a little bit earlier. He was fine with that.

Mew POV

2 weeks that were hell for me. I was no longer interested in food, I hardly ever slept. All I could think about was Gulf. The fact that I couldn't touch him like I used to, almost physically hurt me. That evening after our conversation in the bathroom, I immediately called my current boyfriend. During the conversation with Gulf I realized that I only had a boyfriend because I thought I was not worthy of Gulf. I called him that same evening to make an appointment. I told him it was over. He thought it was a pity, but it was nothing more than a fling. Not even for him. When I was in bed that night, Gulf's words kept running through my mind. How blind I had been. I think my past played a big part in that. Afraid to make the same mistake again. I wanted to keep my life easy. Maybe selfish but I did it to protect myself. I couldn't lose myself anymore. But for the past two weeks, I realized what Gulf really meant to me. He had become my anchor in this world. The person I could talk to if I had problems. No one makes me laugh as much as he does, but also no one makes me cry as much as he does. I was thinking back to Tharntype eps 12. In that scene, he said he loved me. I could only cry. I was crying so much that gulf asked outside the script "why are you crying" At that moment I heard the words from Gulf that I had been longing for my entire life. Something broke inside me. I was no longer Tharn at that time, I was Mew. Mew who loves Gulf dearly. But knowing that gulf only said those words because it was in the script, made me cry like never before. The loneliness I felt at the time, no one I loved had said those words to me sincerely without expecting anything in return. But I also felt jealousy. Jealousy of the fact that I was not Tharn. I remembered months ago when Gulf said he liked me. I no longer dared to open my heart again. Stupid, because gulf was in it since al long time ago, but I did not dare to admit this to myself. Gulf was already my best friend at the time, my safe harbor. I couldn't take it to lose him too. Because even then I realized that I would eventually lose him. Gulf was 22 years old and had become very popular after Tharntype. He would certainly be cast for other series. Just the thought that he would kiss a man other than me. It made me get a red haze in front of my eyes. I clenched my fists under the blanket. His nice full lips against another man's mouth.

"Aghhhhh ………." I made myself completely crazy. I had to get him back. He could close his mind to me, but his body still wanted me. I was convinced of that. The attraction between us has always been phenomenal. It was difficult to be in a room with him without touching him.  
We had a photoshoot tomorrow. I was looking forward to seeing him again. Every fiber in my body missed him.

The day of the photo-shoot, I decided to really work on my appearance. We had a photo-shoot for Tharntype season 2. So, we had to wear black T-shirts with the text Tharntype s2 anyway. I took a pair of tight black pants. I wanted to go on time because then it was my first turn to make-up and I might finish before Gulf came.  
Unfortunately, things went differently. When I entered Gulf is already there. He immediately walked over to me with a serious face. I couldn't control myself and when he was within arm's length, I put my arms around him and pulled him against me. Gulf struggled a bit, but I held him tight against me.

"I missed you," I whispered in his ear.

Gulf was silent, but it didn't matter. I felt his body relaxed. I pressed it even more firmly against me. I knew I had to let him go but I couldn't. I had missed him so much. The first time in 2 weeks that I felt complete again. Gulf also remained in our embrace. When the photographer came that we had to go to make-up, I slowly released him. I pushed him a little away from me but continued to hold him in my arms. The first thing I saw in his gaze was uncertainty.

My heart broke a little. I smiled reassuringly at him and he returned my smile with a dazzling smile of his own. The discomfort between us was gone. we made jokes in the dressing room. On the surface, it seemed as if nothing had changed, but now that I knew that gulf really loves me, I was determined to win him back. That was the only goal I had in mind and a little cheating wouldn't hurt anyone, I decided.  
When we walked in for the photo-shoot, Gulf had to sit on the stool in front of me and I had to stand behind him and put my arms around him. I put my face to his neck. From our intimate Tharntype scenes I knew that Gulf's weak spot was his neck. I slowly moved my face up and down his neck over his ear and down again. I felt the chills running through him. I decided to take it a step further and dropped my head on his shoulder. To an outsider, it seemed like I was just resting. But in reality, I pressed my lips to his neck. I felt Gulf move his head to the side further to give me more access. I wetted my lips and pressed little kisses down his neck. It had been so long since we kissed. I pushed my body against his back. I slowly got turned on. I felt him shift in his chair and noticed that he had the same problem. When I raised my head up again I saw that gulf had closed his eyes. I couldn't suppress the proud smile. The rest of the photo-shoot passed in a daze. As we both walked into the dressing room, Gulf grabbed my arm and pushed me toward a locker room.

I willingly walked along. He pulled me in and locked the door, then pushed me against the wall of the locker.

"Remember that you started this," he growled at me before pressing his lips to mine. I put my arms around him to press him closer to me. He ran his tongue over my lips for access. I opened my mouth and when our tongues touched. I felt him moan against my mouth. 

I tried to turn the tables but gulf kept pressing me hard against the wall. He took his mouth from mine and whispered in my ear.

"My physical weakness is played mew. That's what the fans want. Baby Gulf but in reality…..' 

He chuckled as he slid his hands under my butt. He lifted me up effortlessly, out of reflex I wrapped my legs around his hips. I looked at him, shocked.

"I may be weak in love, but you don't know me yet in making love to you ' he said with a wicked grin as he grunted his hips against me looking for friction. He took possession of my mouth again.

"Let's see who the daddy is." He said with a dangerous smile.


	14. Humiliated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is fiction:) Please leave kudos it keeps me motivated. Thank you so much!

Gulf POV

4 weeks later,

Incredible how your life can change in the drop of an eye, from make-out sessions with the man I love dearly, to a living hell.

At first, I thought I didn't hear the words right, "my heart is available"

"Available?" I repeated a bit surprised, I heard wrong right? I thought naively.

"Yes, my heart is available," Mew replied, looking straight at me.

I think the reporter was just as shocked and she immediately asked me "don't you want to reserve mew's heart?" She asked it with a little laugh, but I saw that she was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"I'm honestly a bit confused as to why he would say this," I answered honestly. I felt my heart pounding in anticipation of his response. Mew, meanwhile, seemed to notice that something was not quite right because he looked at me questioningly.

There I was laying on the bed with a revealing shirt on, suddenly I felt very vulnerable. I tried to hold in my emotions. Please don't cry I pleaded to myself!! Please don't cry! But I felt tears burning behind my eyelids. I don't know, if there was ever a time when I felt so humiliated.

This must be a mistake, of course, Mew was not going to announce that we are secretly in a starting relationship, but when I was asked if my heart was available, he replied to me saying

"No his heart is not available."

I looked at him with pleading eyes, ‘You mean available for work, or do you mean your heart? I asked to be sure. Of course, I understood that he had to be available for work.

Mew started laughing "No of course I mean my heart, for work it is better if we stay together"

Looking back at the images circulating on Twitter afterwards. I saw how painful and uncomfortable my smile was, but at that time, it was the only thing holding me back from collapsing completely. The life filming wasn’t quite over yet, but I knew I had to get away from Mew. I couldn't breathe and felt a panic attack coming on.

I jumped up from the bed and ran to the toilet. In the meantime, I was breathing so fast that I thought I was going to pass out. I folded my hands around the sink until I saw my knuckles turn white. Everything we shared together, from stolen kisses to almost sex. I was almost ready to give my virginity to Mew. I was so happy. Every time I saw Mew, my heart seemed to explode with joy, and I couldn't stop grinning every time I saw him.

He was mine, and I thanked the gods every day for it But Mew's words cut me like a knife. I realized I was more of a means to an end. By "mewgulf " we were of course both becoming very successful and that would certainly boose his singing career. The more I thought about it the angrier I got. Tears were still running down my cheeks, but I didn't wipe them off. "Look at yourself, you are really an idiot. Let yourself to be used like that. Embarrassed, for the whole world to see.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I repeated

it like a mantra until I felt my breathing return to normal.

What now…, the only one, I would normally turn to would never be there again. I would never let him in again. My heart was broken into a million pieces and no glue on the world could put it back together. I felt like a shadow of the man I had once been, but I knew I had to keep going. Paying back my parents for all the support was all I would think of from now on. The only people in the world who gave everything to me, who supported me unconditionally, to achieve my dreams. I felt a calmness come over me. It was done with ‘ push over ‘ gulf, from now on I would be the man I had to be. I would set clear boundaries.

If it was possible I would take my heart out of my chest and wash under the tap and let the water remove Mew and our memories together from my heart. I had been an idiot. I wiped my tears away. I already knew that Twitter would be full of pictures of the most painful moment of my life, and I felt the panic slowly rising again. "No Gulf, the fans love you and will support you in this difficult time," I repeated out loud to myself. I washed and dried my hands when I heard a knock on the door.

' Everything alright, krub? Mew, Asked me when I opened the door.

"Yes, everything is okay," I replied with a cold look in my eyes, and when he held my arm to pull me towards him, I pulled my arm roughly free and leaned forward. I let my breath blow against his ear, and I saw a chill run through him.

"Maybe you should look for someone else to cuddle with your 'available heart' because I'm done with it. From now on WE no longer exist, only you and me. I hope you remember that,

Then I leaned back and looked at him with a cold look. All the warmth I felt for him, was gone. Without saying anything else, I turned around and walked away. Before I got into the car, I saw a message on twitter.

"I'm sorry, Gulf


	15. Tears keep running

P mew POV

The moment that gulf told me there was no 'we' anymore I knew I had gone too far. I wanted to provoke him to confirm that he wanted my heart. But I had ruined everything, and I knew there was no going back, but I decided then and there, that I would do everything I could, to make it right again.

Gulf POV

The way home was quiet. Everyone was silent in the car, including p berm. After all, everyone had seen the live show and the images were already circulating on the internet. I looked at my phone and saw that I already had a lot of missed calls and text messages. I knew that if I would read what my friends had written; I would only feel more miserable. I pushed the phone back into my pocket and leaned my head against the backrest. I closed my eyes. I was numb.

When the car stopped, I opened my eyes and reached out to open the door, but before I could do that, the door was already pulled open from the outside. When I looked up in shock, I saw Mild's face. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the car, then he immediately placed his arms around me. I felt my breath coming back for the first time since it happened. Mild kept rubbing my back with his hand.

"Everything will be fine Gulf, Ssst…. everything will be all right," he said in a soothing voice.

When I heard those words, my knees could no longer carry me, and I collapsed. But before I could touch the ground, mild had supported most of my weight and held me in his arms.

"Ssst..everything will be alright’ he kept repeating. ‘I know how much you love him, I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now’ he said with compassion in his voice.

Those words made me cry even harder. I looked up at mild with tears in my eyes

"Why doesn't he love me?" I gripped Mild's upper arms.

'Why…? Am I so unlovable..? am I just not good enough? I asked in a small voice.

As Mild hugged me tightly, I felt Mild's tears fall on my hair.

"I don't know. I really don't know’ Mild said

I don't know how long I cried all I knew was that Mild lifted me up and then carried me inside. I wanted to protest that I am too heavy but I didn't have the strength. Mild put me on the couch and when he wanted to leave, I grabbed his arm.

"Please don't leave me alone?" I begged with a small voice.

"I'm going to get you a drink, I'll be right back.

I released him. Then I heard my phone ring. On the screen it said "mew" I pressed ignore. I saw that I had 7 missed calls from Bright but I couldn't bring myself to call him back. I threw the phone on the table.

Mild came back with 2 large glasses of milk. I gave him a small smile and took the glass out of his hand, but before I could drink I felt the tears running down my cheek again.

"Sorry mild, I can't stop it," I said while I quickly wiped the tears away.

Mild put down his glass on the table and walked over to me, and before I knew it, mild sat on my lap. He put his arms around my neck and hugged me.

"Just Cry, I'm here for you," he muttered into my shoulder.

I put my arms around him and pressed him tightly to me. After a few minutes, I pushed him away a little bit.

I know we're friends mild, but I also know you've always had a crush on mew, I don't want to put you in an awkward position. I know you two are also good friends, "I said while looking at him.

Immediately a red color appeared on mild’s cheeks and he looked away.

"It was never Mew that I had a crush on"


	16. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos and comments if you like the story!

Gulf POV

I stared at him in surprise, "Who is your crush? I asked curiously.

Mild did not look at me. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me," I squeezed his hand gently. He looked vulnerable.

Mild looked at me. " you," he said so softly that I hardly heard it.

"Me !!" I exclaimed in shock.

Mild wanted to break free from our embrace, but I held on tight to him.

'You like me? I asked again to be sure.

He nodded his head up and down. "Why?" I asked softly, putting a finger under his chin and lifting his head up, so he had to look at me.

"honestly? ... At first, I thought you were a bit strange, you were very unapproachable, but the more I got to know you the more I liked you. As a friend, I thought at first, but the more you hugged Mew the more jealous I was. I did some stupid things to get your attention,'he confessed in a small voice. 

'I tried not to make obvious,' he continued. "I tried to get your attention by hugging and touching Mew, all the time because then you would get jealous and pay attention to me. I'm sorry, "he ended with his head down as if he felt ashamed.

As I remembered all the times, he hugged and lifted mew, I felt my jealousy coming back again. Immediately I shook it off. Mew didn't like me. Mew had used me. I looked up again after I was lost in thought. We looked at each other for a long time. Mild was actually the opposite of Mew. Much smaller than me, more cute than manly.

All I thought about was touching you, "Mild said in a trembling voice, gently sliding his hand into my hair. "It's just as soft as I'd always imagined it," he said, looking at my hair in amazement. I felt a chill run through me. The way mild looked at me made me wonder if Mew's desire was real or if it had all been an act.

Before I had time to think about it, I put my hands around his head and pulled it towards me until our lips touched. Mild froze. I kissed him softly on the lips. When there was no reaction, I ran my tongue over his lower lip and that prompted him to take action. He opened his mouth and I slipped my tongue in. I felt his hands slide into my hair as he held my head. When our tongues touched, I felt a chill run through me. I felt Mild as he pressed his erection against me in search of friction. We kissed openmouthed and dirty. Desire took over every thought.

"Gulf ... please," he begged.

I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do, but I opened my mouth wider. I felt his tongue explore my mouth passionately. I put my hands under Mild's buttocks while pressing him firmly against me. I lifted him up effortlessly and pushed him against the wall. He felt really small in my arms. I slipped one hand into his hair and pulled his head back, to expose his neck. I pressed open mouth kisses on his neck. Meanwhile, Mild humped me desperately.

We were startled by the doorbell. Cursing, I slid Mild gently to the floor. I apologized to him as I walked to the front door, while fixing my hair. I looked through the peephole to see who was on the other side.

I opened the door

"Mew what are you doing here?" I asked with venom in my voice


	17. Going through the motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and Kudos

Gulf POV

I felt someone shake my arm. Slowly I opened my eyes. Confused I looked around. I was still in the car. P Berm looked at me with worried eyes.

"You fell asleep, but I woke you because it seemed like you had a nightmare'. P berm said, he looked at me with worried eyes. I felt my cheeks flush as I slowly remembered the dream. I couldn't suppress a smile. I kissed with mild ??? I started laughing hysterically. Berm's worried face only made me laugh louder. Tears ran down my cheeks. When P Berm put a hand around my shoulder, the laughter turned into loud sobs.

"Berm I lost him'. I sobbed. 'I thought he was mine, but it is not. He is my everything, How can I live without him 'I asked while looking at him with tearful eyes.

"Do I have to beat him up for you?" P berm asked me with a serious face. I gave him a trembling smile.

When the car pulled into the driveway, my mother was already waiting for me. When I got out, she walked over to me and hugged me. I wanted to be strong for her.

"Mom I'm fine" I'm okay, really "I said as I gave her a smile.

I immediately went up the stairs to my room and closed the door. I leaned my back against the door and slowly fell to the floor. What should I do now? We had been in a relationship for a while, why would he say such a thing. It is a difference to say whether you are single or if you say your heart is available. Is his heart really still available I wondered? Was everything an act. I felt my stomach turn at the thought. Never his hugs, his touches. I always felt so safe with him. He had slowly become my world. I never thought I could feel this for anyone. When my eyes filled with tears again, I decided to go to sleep.

The next day when I got up, I noticed that grief turned into anger. I first had an interview in which I couldn't resist saying I was single. I couldn't say my heart that my heart was available because the truth was that Mew had my heart and I don’t think I could get it back.

The following days we had two more lives together. I tried to pretend that nothing happened, but there was a tension between us, which the fans probably noticed as well. Suddenly I could no longer bear his hugs and touches. Not now that I wasn't sure if it was genuine. I saw Mew's disappointed face when I pulled my hand away or my face turned the other. During the day I managed to be strong but every night I cried myself to sleep. I missed him terribly. I felt like I couldn't breathe without him, as if the day had no sun. I had no appetite anymore. Fortunately, there was also a bit of happiness, I reached 1.5 million followers on Instagram. I had already prepared a video and I posted it online that evening. For the first time, I fell asleep with a smile on my face. When I woke up the next day and looked on Instagram, I saw I dropped to 1,4 Million followers. I was not even sad. All I could think about was Mew. 

I missed Mew so much! Mew hadn’t contacted me. I tormented myself with videos from us together on YouTube. Did I really lost him, Did I ever even had him in the fist place? It was time to find out.


	18. Another star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments. Thank you!

In the following weeks, we grew closer together again. I regained hope. In interviews, he always hugged me a little too long or put his head on my shoulder. Even though I had a conversation with Mom, where she gently told me it might be time to move on, to let other people into my heart.

Honestly, I had to admit that mew was currently living in my heart. I found it difficult to let people in. But mew broke down the walls around my heart and no matter how many times I tried to put them up, I couldn't do it anymore, I had a lot of people surrounding me, who I knew loved me, who defended me when there was another rumor that came up from my past. 

I noticed that although things were going very well with me and mew at the moment, I had a feeling of loneliness deep in my heart. Despite my determination to sort things out between us, I was deeply afraid of the answer that I would find. I felt like A coward. So in the weeks that followed, our awkward tension grew into something hopeful. Feelings of happiness dominated again when I thought about him, he also became more possessive about me when we were on set and that gave me a good feeling. 

Because all I wanted is to be his and I that he is mine.

And then came Mew’s first showcase and I was his special guest. I was so proud when he asked me to come to the second show in the evening. My heart fluttered. Me! He thought I was important. He needed me. He wanted me on one of the most important days of his life.  
I never felt more wanted in my life.

His performance was great. The audience went crazy. At the end of the evening, he had some special words to say to me,

He began that he hoped someone would take care of me as well as he had. 

I couldn't help but feel a shiver running through my body. It sounded like a goodbye and my heart clenched painfully in my chest. 

I couldn't lose him…! Who was I without him?. Did fans want to come if it was just me and not MewGulf? I wondered in my head. Who was I without Mew? The thoughts of a life without Mew was like someone ripped my heart out. I quickly repressed the thoughts. No, he didn't mean it as a goodbye. He loves me. Like a brother anyway, but I knew better and so did the fans.

After that great night, Mew said he was tired, and I went home. We saw each other less in the weeks that followed. Because Mew had its own projects and so did I. My first single with war was released and the audience was very enthusiastic. Me too! I thought my debut was very exciting and my introverted personality didn't make it easy to get to know new people. But I tried and that was the point!

I also practiced a lot for my show river night with Gulf. The event consisted of two days.  
I had asked Mew in time if he wanted to come on the second day as a special guest. He reacted really happy to it. Sure he wanted to come!. I was happy. I wanted to prove to him what a man I could be to him. That I and only I can make him happy.

The week before the river night show, Mew called me.

"Hey Gulf, Good morning" he started the conversation.

‘Hey phi’ I replied a little sleepy.

"Unfortunately, I have bad news, something has come up with regard to work. I am very sorry but unfortunately, I cannot come to your show.’ He said with sorrow in his voice.

‘What phi’!!!!!..... I answered suddenly wide awake. ‘I promised the fans that there would be a special guest, and everyone knows who that is. You put me in a very awkward position.’ I felt tears well up in my eyes but blinked them away desperately.

‘I'm so sorry. Try to understand…this is very important to me; I hope you can be happy for me’ he said with a begging voice. 

‘I know.. I know… I'm just very disappointed but I get it.’ I said while trying to keep myself strong. I didn’t want to push him away with childish behavior.

‘I knew you would understand, Thank you Gulf.’ He said with a happy voice. He continued talking happily about other things, but the conversation went past me in a blur. I felt so disappointed.

When he said goodbye and hung up, I kept staring at the phone. I felt my tears rolling down my cheeks. He wouldn’t see me perform. I wanted to show him that he was my most important person, that he means the world to me, but now that got taken away from me. All the confidence I had before the show, disappeared like snow in the sun after his phone call. I kept on crying until it felt like, I had no more tears to cry.

After sitting for 10 minutes I called P berm e and told him the news. As I expected, he responded with disbelief. But because he knew how devastated this news would be for me, he held back.

‘It will be okay, gulf.’ He tried to reassure me. ‘Shai’, I answered. While trying to hide the pain I felt. After this, there was a cold that crept in the deepest corners of my heart. 

The days before the show consisted of practicing, practicing and practice some more. Pleng was very patient and sweet. She kept on trying to repeat everything, so it was easier for me.

When the first night came, I was nervous. I had already had two panic attacks that morning. When I sat in the chair for make-up, I suddenly turned too p berm and asked 

‘Is mild already here?’

P berm said he was going to look him for me.

30 minutes later, p berm and Mild came in. I looked at Mild. Relieved to see him. He saw how nervous I was, and he put his hand on my shoulder.

‘Gulf what can I do for you’? he asked with a serious voice. 

"Can you help me not to be alone tonight? I whispered so softly that I wasn't sure he had heard it.

Mild just looked at me. speechless. He put his finger under my chin, looked me in the eyes while he said, ‘I will always be there for you’ sweetie.’ And then he smiled.

It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t alone in this. And for the first time this evening, I smiled a real smile.

The first night was a blast. Almost everything went, perfect that night. I was really nervous but when I saw that the people were enjoying it, I enjoyed it too.  
Pleng and Mild were amazing. We convinced Mild to be the MC man and with no time to learn the script he entertained the audience and me, with his jokes and reference to Mewgulf. But still, every time I heard mew’s name, I felt my heart beating a little faster. But mild was a consistent presence. He helped me with my jacked, He cracked jokes, he took care of me, and honestly, I was really grateful to have him here.

The second night on the other hand was a nightmare. Rain came pouring down from the sky.  
The first songs went well but after that, it started to rain harder and harder. It poured down on us. Pleng tried to protect me from the rain but it was no use. I was so concerned about the audience and my heart sank. eventually, we had to go in. 

Not only had I rehearsed a new dance especially for tonight, that I couldn't perform, but On top of that, people still were convinced that Mew would come. Once inside I did not know what to do. I couldn't finish the show, people were wet and Mew wouldn't be there either. What now?

I only noticed that someone was talking to me when I was gently shaken. Mildly looked at me with worried eyes. I couldn't say anything. My throat wasn’t able to form words and I had tears in my eyes, that I couldn't blink away. Without saying a word, Mild started talking to me,

'Everything will be fine. I'm here. You tried very hard, but you can't control the weather. Don't blame yourself.’ He tried to reassure me.

All the while talking, I felt Mild's hands on my shoulder. He was like an anchor, that grounded me. We just looked at each other for a moment. No words were needed. 

Then I was dried off by the staff and Mild went back to the deck where the guests were sitting. I heard him talking into the microphone. In the meantime, I checked my phone. Twitter was full of shots where the rain was pouring down from the sky and a few photos where you saw despair on my face. I saw a lot of sweet messages from fans and colleagues. What did I do to earn those good people, I wondered?

But no word from Mew. Nothing personal and nothing on social media. I threw my phone on the nearest table and felt sadness slowly turn into anger.

I needed him. Where the hell was, he? I had been supported him every step of his career. He wasn't there at the premiere of my first single and he wasn’t there now. Actions spreak louder than words, right?

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. Mew had the same video message as yesterday. I sat on the stairs watching the video message but I felt nothing. I remember looking at Mild who looked at me with pity in his eyes.

That night, lying in my bed and looking back on this evening, people on twitter called me a star, for me there was only one star that evening and that was Mild. He had never left my side, not even a moment. He gave me drinks, food, words of encouragement and lot of hugs. 

He was my hero...


End file.
